Heavy Sigh 
 
 
 
 
Picture a day in Florida with a 90% chance of rain and you will come  
pretty close to the scrambled thoughts that encompass the waters of my  
brain... 
 
i believed all along that i was always to be challenged from my early  
  childhood memories to now adulthood, what a strange word 
 
a girl that i HAD a relationship with told me she's having my baby 
 
i forgot to roll up my windows, my car got rained into  
i got a 50% pay cut at work 
i bounced 5 checks and had to pay $125 in NSF charges 
i owe my best friend $200, oh how i hate to owe 
  the sweet smell of cloves permeates the air and brings some relaxation 
i dream of escape from the situation that i must face 
i barely sleep which is not good for anyone let alone a leo in trouble... 
i eat good, my grandmother insures that 
i feel alone and yet i am not 
i feel strangely open to the world 
i share all my secrets 
i do things which, for me, are abnormal 
i am in a constant state of vulnerability 
i have noticed more about the populous...ignorance is average 
i can't seem to dance or play video games and i certainly can't have sex 
i have no escape 
i can check off all the warning signs for Charter 
i saw a shirt on a gay man that made me laugh, "I can't even THINK  
  straight" 
 
i breath a heavy sigh through it all i still think life is good... 
 
 
 
9:35pm 
Sunday 
"Gay" Night at The Red Zone 
5/1/94 
R. David Paine III